January 29, 2004
Ending
dear x:
it seems i have to struggle with a problem for awhile before the simplest of
things begin to occur to me, but i think this letter should be pretty easy
to understand.
those that truly relish life and are able to embrace all that it brings, i
totally admire and envy you. i've tried everything within my power to
appreciate it and i do, believe me i do, but it just isn't enough anymore.
i don't have the passion anymore and it simply isn't fair to fool you, any
of you, or myself.
i'm unable to get past the frustration, guilt, and the pain i have caused
to those i care for and those i love. every day i am reminded of these
things by smiling faces, sharp words, and the void that nobody but me seems
to see. it all makes me feel too fucking sad. yes, i'm the sad little
sensitive, unappreciative selfish bastard. you have it good, why can't
you just enjoy what you have? i don't know!
perhaps it's the children -- they are so full of hope, love and joy
thinking nobody will do them any harm. it reminds me of what i used
to be and the thought of them becoming the miserable, self-destructive
person that i've become terrifies me beyond words. may there still be
hope of saving them.
peace, love, empathy.
ac
Posted by ac at January 29, 2004 12:39 AM
Wow. I sure know how you feel.
I can totally understand that!
we all can learn lessons from children. when something is painful or when they realize they've out grow it, they move on.