Will Play For Food
with the NHL on strike lockout whatever it is that you want to call it... they aren't playing... fans now have more time to .... well, we have more time to wish there was some hockey. are they doing this because we didn't renew our season tickets this season?!? i mean really, they didn't have to go through all that trouble. a funny article is making it's rounds... enjoy.
Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough, they could be deprived of their life- giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the coming lockout situation.
But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW THAT I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo. Please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of
other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player!
y preference is (check below):
[ ] Forward
[ ] Defenseman
[ ] Goaltender
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)
Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).
Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: _______________________
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: ____________
i can take no credit for this amusing parody nor (unfortunately) do i have an attribution. it was a forward of a forward of a forward... i'll update and provide proper credit if i ever find out who came up with this. some players might like to know too.
Posted by ac at September 27, 2004 05:02 PM