September 30, 2003

Light of Darkness

i have visions of going into a much darker place. further down that road which melancholy has taken me before. not visions really, more like flashes of darkness. momentary deprivation of senses. no light, no outside sounds, no feeling. it is so peaceful, but never lasts for long. questions abound, accusations are made. truths are told.

i get to sleep now. my eyes close and provide me the light to see you again allowing me to awaken for another day.   sweet dreams.

Posted by ac at September 30, 2003 12:20 AM

Comments

You wouldn't know how to tell the truth if it smacked you in the face. Your convenient lies pave the way for the ease of your life, yet leave everything real and true to lie in ruin, sacraficed at the altar of your pious indecision.

Posted by: _ at September 30, 2003 12:24 AM


Robert Louis Stevenson wrote well about truth, I suggest anybody that hasn't read
Truth of Intercourse yet do so. In it he quotes Thoreau...


It takes two to speak truth — one to speak and another to hear.
-- Thoreau

I have certainly lied, a fact I'm not particularly proud of. At the time, I thought it was in the best interests of not only myself, but of others too. I'll admit that once discovered I could have handled things far better, but as they say -- hindsight is 20-20. The situation was (is) complex and the options clouded.


Leaving everything real and true in ruin? Pious indecision? My indecision has always been about wanting to do what is right. What is right for everyone involved, not just myself. I'm sorry you are unable to see that fact. Did I consider myself in the matter? Of course, but I was hardly the only factor. Those that believe otherwise haven't truly considered my position.


Fact of the matter is ... I may lose it all anyway. With no ability to go forward and none to go back. The decisions are not all mine to make. They never have been. She knows where I stand, the question is whether she hears me.

Posted by: ac at September 30, 2003 09:02 PM