It has been said throughout the years that absence make the heart grow fonder, but I am really struggling with that today. Bayly failed to mention what said circumstance does to the mind. I yearn for my yin with not just my heart, but my mind, my soul, and my self.
While searching to attribute the above quote correctly, I stumbled upon another quote, one written earlier that adds some perspective. In 1688, Jean De La Bruyère wrote "Grief at the absence of a loved one is happiness compared to life with a person one hates". I see his point!
Plain or Plane
Sex in Chile, like companies in Silicon Valley, are looking to give you options. For a $500 investment you are guaranteed a 2-for-1 split and a bumpy ride. In both cases, the chances of getting fucked are probably pretty good.
UR laid off?
Adding insult to injury, a failing British company
text messaged layoff notices to some 2,500 employees. No wonder we kicked their asses back in the 1700's.
Meow TV
It should come as no surprise that entertainment executives like to get a little pussy from time to time, but
this is ridiculous. Sounds like the Oxygen network has had a lack of it recently. Breathe deep and cough up the furball now won't ya.
It's not just for Bush anymore
I guess the corn can look greener on the other side as
Nebraska declares war on Iowa over gambling. I'm betting they don't go through with it.
our love is like waterYou know it is really bad when the voices in your head start singing parts of a Bon Jovi song and they make sense.
pinned down and abused for being strange
our love is no other
than me alone for me all day
I'd cry for youJust admitting one listens to his music is subject to ridicule in some circles -- but to blog about it? There are days it is good to be an anonymous coward!
I'd do anything
I'd lie for you
’Tis better to have loved and lostFrankly, I'm beginning to think he's full of shit.
Than never to have loved at all.
-- Alfred Tennyson
Then there is this matter of the whole mad cow disease. More than 200 Canadian farms are being inspected for mad cow disease, and 17 are under quarantine.
What's next? Another Stanley Cup Finals without a Canadian team? doh! I guess so. It has been since 1994 that a Canadian team made the finals and the Canucks managed to get beaten by the New York Rangers. How embarrassing is that?!?
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.I've been told I'm a bit of a softie lately. Hmmmm.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
The complete transcript
Ladies and gentlemen of the Class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.
You see, I can live with doubt, and uncertainty, and not knowing.
I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have
answers which might be wrong.
-- Richard Feynman
My mind wandered as she wrote. Words were no longer symbols on a page, but they gained lives of their own. They told me their own stories of how they became.
I sit and wonder if she thought. Would she think me a fool knowing that some words radiated throughout my body drawing me closer to her. That at moments to just calm myself I had to pull my hands away and let them hold each other as if one were hers.
My mind wandered as I wrote. I imagined that she felt me too. That mere words could move her hands as they did mine. That perhaps she could find a gentle caress in my voice or something that could move her hands so strongly she might think for a fleeting moment they were mine. To believe they were mine. Feel them as mine. As I felt mine as hers.
I sit and wonder if she knew. Did she know I had her picture open as she spoke. Trying to imagine the words coming off her lips. Wanting to know how she felt. The softness of skin, the warmth of breath, the aura that surrounds her. Did she know that I imagined her touching herself. Stroking as I so craved. Hoping that just the right word would thrust her heart into mine with a mighty roar and set her body to quiver. I wonder if she knew.
My mind wandered as we wrote. It soared high above. Sharing visions of a snowcapped peak at dawn as we huddled to keep warm. Sounds of deer scampering through the woods as we listened to a rustling brook empty into the nearby pond. Hearts beating with every drop. The smell of cocoa as we sit on the bank. Holding hands. Exchanging words. For I was in my chair. She was in hers. The third lay there broken, awaiting our world.
So there I sat.
| Avoidant Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
Now that we know I'm pretty much an avoidant nutcase, it's time to take Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test to see just exactly what level of hell I'll be calling home some day.
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | High |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Very High |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Very High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Very High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | High |
For the sake of completeness, below are my results for various emode.com tests.
| TEST | RESULTS |
|---|---|
| Discover Your Sexual Personality | Phi-ELDN-10 |
| Emode's Original Inkblot Test | Peace |
| The Brainteaser Test | 27 of 30 |
| The Celebrity Matchmaker | Jennifer Aniston |
| The Emotional IQ Test | 114 |
| The Ideal Sexual Partner Test | Type 10 |
| The Ultimate IQ Test | 135 |
| The Ultimate Personality Test | Millionaire |
| What Breed of Dog Are You? | Bernese Mountain Dog |
| What Kind of Sexy Are You? | Shy 'n' Sexy |
| What Shapes Your Personality? | Reflective nature |
| What's Your Sense of Humor? | Banter |
| What's Your Theme Song? | Back In Black |
| Who Were You in High School? | Brooding Artist |
| Who's Your Inner Rock Star? | Chris Isaak |
| Are You A Sex God? | EROS, God of Love |
| What Color Is Your Aura? | Gold |
| What Type Are You? | Brain |
I have tilted at a few windmills myself in the spirit of adventure, but an unworthy man like me never even dreamt of finding his own Cave of Montesinos.
So with that said, I drop my visor, raise my lance and charge forward exposing my heart. My fate is left with you...