Ramblings of an Anonymous Coward

It's Out There

until i can find the right words, allow me to amuse annoy you with a few things that i found before my eyes recently.

• Little Red Riding Hood meets the furries with giant furry... parts.
  ps: i'm told it's an add for a japanese construction company. go figure.
  
• The Meatrix
  
• LoveLump  ... allow me to say eeewwww!
  
  

Gobbley Goop

for me, thanksgiving marks the beginning of yet another holiday season. a time that people like to set aside for being happy -- as if they shouldn't strive for that on a daily basis. the trouble is, people expect everyone to be happy, and that just doesn't always work for me. this year in particular should be an interesting one.

thinking about "turkey day", probably my fondest memory of the event was the one time i spent it at my grandmother's home. all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins were there along with a lot of food. i mean A LOT of food. there was more stuffing, freshly mashed potato and gravy, corn on the cob than even i could possibly eat. and i can eat a lot of that stuff, especially when it is real. by real i mean made from scratch. none of this dump the box's contents into a bowl, add water and stir crap. shucking corn the day before, getting the peas out of the pods, snapping green beans -- i remember that time very well. it was a good day that just happened to fall on thanksgiving.

Unladen Swallow

What is your name? ac
What is your quest? the holy grail
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Flick and Flack

over the past several months i have watched quite a number of movies ranging from ones that were excellent to some that simply sucked. the last five that i watched were "good fences", "terminator 3: rise of the machines", "tomb raider 2: cradle of life", "maid in manhattan", and "ps: your cat is dead".

good fences -- bad movie. you'd think with whoppie goldberg, it might make you laugh a few times. if not with her, at least at her. i don't recall hearing about this movie being in the theatre and i can see why. it flat out sucked. the plot had promise, but that's all it had.

terminator 3: rise of the machines was a typical terminator movie. start of with a few naked people, have them kick some ass to get clothes, make cars and building blow up, and make an ending that leaves room for the possibility of a sequel. you think california elected arnold to be governor because it was thought he was a good leader? NO. it was to push out the release date of the next movie -- terminator 4: downfall of a government. with that said, it was a good flick. i like watching shit blow up from time to time and this met that need quite nicely. it's not like i rented it for the plot!

angelina jolle in tomb raider 2 -- cradle of life was another movie with clear and simple expectations. pretty woman, tight clothes, kicks butt. check, check, and check. add in a little bit of a plot and stir. lenny kravitz, you lucky dog!

maid in manhattan was frankly much better than i expected. yeah, it was a chick flick, but so what. guys can like chick flicks sometimes can't we? anyway, i wasn't sure i should watch it, but used that old tom cruise line from risky business and said "what the fuck" and am glad i did. my biggest disappointment was that i really thought jennifer lopez was better looking than that. really. don't get me wrong, she is attractive, but for some reason i had it in my head that she was a real hottie. i think that not being the case made the movie all that much more believable, so kudos to the casting department.

and most recently, ps: your cat is dead hit the home screen. you hear the title, read the video's dust cover and think, hey, this could be pretty funny. it stars steve guttenberg as a depressed fellow that has his apartment robbed several times and on the third robbery he catches the burgler on new year's eve which is also the night his girlfriend leaves him and his lifelong friend (cat) tennessee dies. after knocking the thief out, he ties him up on the kitchen island with ties, extension cords, and anything rope-like. the fellow eventually comes to and they spend time torturing each other and unfortunately the audience with their banter. sigh! another movie that has a promising plot turns out to be anti-funny. it had a few moments which made me hope it would turn into something decent, but it never managed to get there. all i could think was -- ps: your movie sucked.

up next is adam sandler's eight crazy nights. i have flip-flopped a few times on whether i wanted to see it or not. a woman in the video store said it was filled with "bathroom humor" and that she didn't think highly of the movie. it's an adam sandler movie, what the hell was she expecting? so given her recommendation, i'm watching it and feel much better that it will break the current string of bad comedy rentals. wish me luck.

Ultimate Purity

while i have some more rambling to do, i did want to get this out of the way and in it's own little post. i took the ultimate purity test answering all 392 questions. i think i landed close enough to average. thanks to enigma for the link to it. i think. :-)

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	61.7% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	65.1%
Shamelessness	83.3% Has yet to see self in mirror	79.3%
Sex Drive	65.8% A fool for love, but not always	77.7%
Straightness	14.3% Knows the other body type like a map	45.1%
Gayness	100%	83.3%
Fucking Sick	97.3% Refreshingly normal	89.9%
You are 70.84% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Who's Gonna Be Third?

The music world has been rocked (heh, sorry about the pun!) twice this week. The first being one we can't seem to avoid hearing about, Michael Jackson was booked for child molestation. If true, fry him. I am, however, concerned that this is yet another case of people trying to extract money from the rich and famous. I don't know the facts and I hope any trial brings out the truth once and for all.

Equally not as shocking, but I had personally all but forgotten about it, Phil Spector pleaded innocent to murder charges. If you recall, this is the case where a woman was killed in his home -- he claims she killed herself while the district attorney thinks otherwise. Since it was a shooting, you'd think that it would be easy to tell whether she shot herself -- hell, it would take an hour, less commercials, for Discovery Channel's New Detectives to solve it.

They say things come in threes... and it is only Thursday.

Secret Santa 2003

Thinkblank's Secret Santa idea sounds kind of amusing. I might have to give it a whirl. Who knows, maybe some wealthy altruistic person will draw my name and get me something outrageously cool. Hey! It could happen. But then again, the best gifts in the world money can't buy.

A Pinch Of Salt

i had a story to write, but can't... because my pot was stirred tonight.

Foamy's Rant

trillian pops up on me last night -- it's, anw and ...

[21:42] ***************: if you wanna listen to something super funny
[21:42] ***************: go here (Link: http://www.illwillpress.com/rant.html)

so of course i did. there is just so much irony in this! she got it from a friend whom i'm sure was trying to make a point, but then to send it to me. ha! now where is that poison cd?!?

free my mind.

Posted by ac at 12:07 PM | Comments (1)

Alchemist 3rd Class

i read over at beer mary's about a game called alchemy, and she is correct, it is pretty addictive. my first go i only managed to be dubbed a hedge wizard. my second go 'round i did much better. (see screenshot to the left). for what it's worth, the ranks where hedge wizard, wizard 2nd class, wizard 1st class, grand wizard, then alchemist 3rd class. i was working on the 7th board when i made a strategic error that cost me the level. oh! the excessive time is because i went to eat after board #4.

Killing Time

well, the bright spot of my day was that i got to the rink and sub'ed in for another team, so i got to play two games tonight. yay! we tied in that game (3-3), but unfortunately in my team's game we lost 4-3 on a weak 3rd period goal. i said it a dozen times tonight, and it's not like he'll read it, but pat! where the fuck were you? we needed your ass out there tonight. fuck! i give up going to the sharks/leafs game to play and others just don't fucking show up. this loss may cost us a playoff position.

to burn off a little more, i'm doing a pair of meme's i've never done before.

Sunday Brunch
I'M RIDING IN MY CAR

1. The first car I ever drove was a... station wagon
2. My dream car is...a hummer, cause that is what you'd need to get to my dream house.
3. Can you drive a vehicle with a stick shift? yes If yes, how long did it take you to learn? i dunno, 10-15 minutes?
4. What is the fastest you have ever driven? i once drove at 120mph over the james river bridge. rode with a friend that hit 150 on I-64
5. How many people you have crammed into a vehicle at one time?nothing impressive. five in the cab of a toyota pickup once.

5ive-minute stories
Word: Surrender

life has it's twists and turns and the key is to make sure you aren't going too fast when you meet up with a hairpin, but sam didn't know that when he entered the bar. patty mcswain's wasn't your average bar, it was an of off the beaten path sort of place you'd expect to see near the docks rather than downtown; however, that made no nevermind to sam. he liked the joint which always had patrons that he could watch and learn from. tonight's teacher was a curvy young woman, couldn't be more than 25, with flowing red hair and the bluest eyes sam had ever seen. she sauntered up to the bar placing her handback on the stool next to her and called the bar keep over. rather than just speaking up, the bartender leaned over so she could whisper in his ear. he chuckled as he stood back upright and walked over to the cooler, opened the door, and pulled out a bottle of water. now why would such an attractive woman come into a bar like this for a bottle of water, sam thought.

yeah, ok, that sucked. and not much to show for five minutes. this is precisely why i'm not a writer!

Word Association, Week 41

yeah, so i'm doing the word association again.

1. Plan B:: oops, someone fucked up plan A
2. Seattle:: grunge
3. The lady wore:: me down
4. Upsetting:: life
5. Tampon:: g.i. joe matress
6. Celebrity:: movie star
7. Baja:: burrito
8. 64:: commodore
9. RGB:: color
10. Milkshake:: vanilla

Put To Music

the toronto maple leafs are in town. they haven't been here since 1998 and wouldn't ya know, it would have to be on a saturday night. maybe i shouldn't have done season tickets again. such is life.

before i head out tonight, i think i'll burn a new cd mix from my current playlist which includes:

• Again by Lenny Kravitz
• If I Close My Eyes Forever by Ozzy and Lita
• Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse
• Nothing Else Matters by Metallica

there are of course tunes from nirvana, soulwax, incubus, staind, dirty vegas, ...

Friday Five: Adjectives

1. sing one adjective, describe your current living space.
   cluttered
   
2. sing two adjectives, describe your current employer.
   optimistic, unfocused
   
3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.
   competitive, continuous, fast
   
4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.
   melancholic, monotonous, wearisome, frustrating
   
5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.
   ardent, passionate, inspired, loving, understood
   bonus: altruistic, shared and committed
   

Questions brought to you by: Friday Five

Trojan Games

i don't know why i'm posting this aside from the fact that i found it funny. there were others, but the first link was the funniest. is this some sort of uk ad campaign going on?

i wouldn't call it work safe, so use your best judgement.

Beyond Myself

how often i've cried out in silent tongue
to be saved from myself

in the middle of the night
too afraid to move

horrified the answer may be beyond
the capability of my own two hands

Today I...

1. finished me talk pretty one day by satirist david sedaris.
2. attended my regular tuesday meetings in BC. (yes, i know it's wednesday)
3. got some news that excited me which i can't share yet
4. got some news that made me sad which i won't share yet.
5. there is no five. hehe
6. had the red hot chili pepper's song under the bridge stuck in my head for most of the day.
7. drove down hwy 9
8. was emailed yet another amazon.com gift certificate. yay!
9. start watching season 4, volume 4 of the sopranos.
10. survived.

My ABC's

you know it's not going to be a not so fun conversation when it starts with "hypothetically speaking" and midway through you're told "i don't want to hurt you, but you really should know..." and when met with disbelief of the conclusions (less so the evidence), now, according to person "B", i'm just continuing to defend person "A" and am in denial. unwilling to accept that i, Mr. "C", was dupped by a woman. starting to sound like an early quentin tarantino movie? trust me, this really doesn't get any better.

C: no, i don't believe i have ever been referred to as being the best thing since sliced bread.
B: then here's proof that i'm right. "A" clearly does this sort of thing. Read about candidate #3, "N". Look familiar? mmmHmmm. i told you so.
C: but! you are overlooking where it says -- "Problem? The obvious", doesn't that indicate "A" doesn't find this to be problem free?
B: If it was a problem, wouldn't "N" not be a candidate at all? besides you "C", how many others do you think there have been. face it, you've been played
C: i'm sorry, but i think you are reading more into it than is there.

what "B" doesn't know is that i was aware of that message. i do have to admit that it hurt reading it. no, i think i'd have to say i felt crushed -- specifically because of the aforementioned "N". it hit close to home and had me questioning a lot of things that were said to me. i got myself beyond it, but then "B" just had to stir the pot.

to make matters worse, "B" then refers to a flight to boston "A" apparently took. see, you were lied to again! you were simply played and won't admit it. if there were some note passing going on, i'd swear i was back in high school. sigh.

it does all make me continue to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. why do i do the things i do -- or not do the things i don't? there are moments i think i should just give up all hope, spare others further grief of which i've caused and accept the fact that life simply sucks sometimes. the completely selfish side of me says let the world be damned -- go after your dream or die trying.

good night.

Filling The Gap

for those that aren't interested in mindless ramblings, you may as well skip this post. i have too many feelings i just can't let out right now because honestly, i don't know how to share them. so in the mean time, allow me to answer the ever annoying question -- what's up?

after my quick post friday night, i kicked back in bed and watched the movie called home room. i was expecting more of a suspense thriller based on the description on the blockbuster box, but it turned out to be pretty good anyway. a bit depressing, which i really didn't need, but the back story worked for me and as happens far too often, i could identify with some characters.

slept in late saturday and kept my face in front of the idiot box. i don't think i got out of bed (except to pee) until around 3pm. in fact i'm sure of it as i hopped out of bed and ended up grilling up burgers on the grill -- despite the nasty rain. while tucked safely under the covers, i watched the last episode of dvd #2, season #4 of the sopranos. i've really enjoyed watching a tv series via dvd, except for the long waits for the next season. after that hour, i finally got to watch finding nemo. i've heard a lot of good things about this movie, but honestly, i was a bit disappointed. lest it seem otherwise, it wasn't a bad movie, but i do rate it well below shrek.

so after wasting the day away watching tv followed by an impromptu cook-out on a rainy day -- which, btw, made it so i couldn't enjoy the lunar eclipse -- i headed east for my weekly hockey game. the rink's roof was leaking which caused a few problems, but that was no excuse for the 4-4 tie. no, some of us just had shitty games and the forwards didn't bury the chances they got. with only three D, i suppose i should be happy being even with 2 assists after the game, but we really needed the win to put us in better position for a playoff run.

sunday morning was literally a blur. i couldn't focus visually or mentally. the bright spot was my boy had a game and upped me with his weekend performance of 4 assists leading his bantam team to a 9-6 win. afterwards he skated with the second year bantams in their practice and then rung me up on the phone asking if he could practice with the 16-unders too. sure! five hours straight of skating... the slacker! :-)

it went downhill from there -- two short blackouts caused my computer to crash, the first one destroying over an hours worth of work. after getting back up to that point and finishing off my project, the proverbial shit hit the fan (again).

Put Another Quarter In

well, today pretty much sucked and there is a pretty good chance it's heading further down hill tonight. then again, what the fuck do i know. seems that every time i think i'm doing some thing right, i'm wrong. perhaps it's a sign of growing up playing video games since i really would like to just pop another quarter in and start over.

given that, i'm just going with some meme's and quizzes.

What's your life rated on the MPAA rating scale? Mine is apparently rated R. go figure.

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

Friday Five

1. What food do you like that most people hate?
   saurkraut
2. What food do you hate that most people love?
   seafood
3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
   cindy crawford
4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive?
   Lorraine Bracco
5. What popular trend baffles you?
   tounge piercings and peopel that leave their underwear showing, i mean really, wtf is up with that?

Which Author's Fiction are You?
i always thought of myself as a poe man.


Ernest Hemingway penned your novel. Go you
studlyman, you.

Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Give Me A Sign

why yes, i am going to make you click through to see what the hell i'm talking about now.

i had some other ideas of what to put, but decided to play nice.

Me? Neurotic?

trying something a little different, i had a chat with this fellow, one that seems to have more degrees than bruce lee and jackie chan combined. it was the last time for sure, partly because he's leaving town (moving his practice) and partly because i think i'd have to go all mental on him. you know, like squint and strain really hard to see if i really could light his chair on fire. that sort of thing. i must, however, inject that he was kind enough to take the time to talk with me and offer me plenty of advice to consider ignore. it was all sound advice i'm sure, but some things he said really stuck in my craw.

granted he didn't say i was neurotic just that some things i have done are consistent with that behavior. dude. why didn't you just say i'm fucking whacked and be done with it. i mean really, i would either smack the crap out of you, cry like a girl (no offense ladies, just using my writer's license here), or do what i did and thank you, shake your hand, and eventually decide to blog about it.

allowing yourself to suffer a continual just-bearable pain in order to avoid facing a larger, scarier, and possibly unbearable one isn't completely uncommon.

not completely uncommon. great!

yeah! yeah. Like most things lately, i'm reading far too much into what was being said by either seeing really negative -- the world may as well end today -- signs, or quite simply the opposite. scott adams said it best...

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.

yeah, that about sums it up. i'm at least partly-human.

 

Every Rose Has A Story

there i am, queued up behind an older gentleman at the market waiting to pay for my things, when the cashier asks him the question i just knew was coming. see, this fellow had the morning newspaper and a half dozen roses. the paper simply meant he was interested in current events, but the roses.... those six long stemmed red roses. "been in some trouble i see", she remarked while ringing his items up. despite shaking his head and saying "no", his words were met with obvious disbelief. i know the feeling.

Have You Lived?

I think that, as life is action and passion, it is required of a man that he should share the passion and action of his time at peril of being judged not to have lived.
--Oliver Wendell Holmes

Methinks My Life

with idle thoughts and virelay
that try to make me whole
reaching where i pushed away
my love i can't control.

to drift with passion in my soul
and living while i sleep
time without you takes its toll
tis nights that make me weep.

is it for this i've tried to keep,
memories -- my first glance?
my love for you, surely seeped
like honey of romance.

wish to think there is a chance
keeping doubt well at bay
hold you close, and we dance
i love you's what i'd say

26 Things II

this is just a public service announcement to tell you that sh1ft.org is having another photographic scavenger hunt.  results to be posted on december 1st, 2003.

Word Association, Week 39

1. Taboo:: Curse
2. Poison:: Control
3. 1983:: Bad year
4. Tim:: The Toolman Taylor
5. Groovy:: Kind of Love
6. Italy:: Cannelloni
7. Think:: Different
8. Penthouse:: Suite
9. Shelter:: Island
10. Twinkie:: Hostess

Ment.hell

he talks to himself
at times quite intensely
unkind words are exchanged
blaming himself for all that is wrong
mentally battering himself as she speaks
above all, he is his own worst enemy
self-loathing and unforgiving
quietly plotting to end
the conversation
with me

Conversations Over Candy

it was weighed, it was measured, and it was founded wanted. the candy that is. all 18.5 pounds of it, stressing the stitches of the pale blue pillowcase. over 500 pieces. they know. they counted. a few pieces still lay on the floor -- the unwanted candy, the sort not even worthy of being given away, it merely sits there for the taking.

m: wanna pinky fight?
k: nah
m: wanna thumb wrestle?
k: nah
m: how about arm wrestle?
k: fine. but i have to win.

of course they never did. with a giggles streaming out of their mouths, the soup beginning to settle in their tummys, they scampered off to play.

it was many hours ago, perhaps 15 or so, that the bounty was captured. i was there for every step and years for now, if i'm lucky, that fact, if nothing else, will be remembered. on the surface it seemed just like any other halloween, but deep inside it felt much different. this one i need to remember.

we schlepped from house to house and occasionally were mixed in with other groups of ghosts and goblins. the children of course ran quickly, trying to stay ahead of the pack -- just in case that next house only has only one piece left! there was the traditional fall and spillage on the corner and every year you could see a few kids stop and pause for a moment, debating in their minds whether to help -- to help themselves to some of that candy strewn across the lawn. easy pickings. a parental gaze usually ends the matter, but some years it takes the the middle name. "thomas andrew!", you'll hear a mother shout, and that will be enough to to break the fallen candy spell. it happens every year.

this year was different. perhaps it was because i had to go rather than getting to do it of my own volition. that my actions would be judged and scored -- noted for the record.

for at least a full block i walked near a pair of dads and their conversations seemed so foreign to me.

d1: yeah, i finally got those shelves built in the pantry, my buddy who dropped off the plywood couldn't believe the results.
d2: that was plywood? wow.
d1: yeah, my buddy said the same thing.
d2: you seem to be getting all the things i need to get done... done.
d1: i still need to get that door framed, you'd think it was pretty simple
d2: i don't even have the exhaust fan in yet.
d1: no? i put in that new one they had at home depot. i figured if i'm going to do it, i might as well do the best.
d2: so you don't have the door in the garage framed yet huh?
d1: no, not yet.

with sacks of candy in tow, we eventually made our way back to the house. i was a bit sad. i wanted it to last just a little longer. please mom, just a few more minutes echoed in my head. i left that thought at the door and herded myself through the door.