Ramblings of an Anonymous Coward

Ending

dear x:

it seems i have to struggle with a problem for awhile before the simplest of things begin to occur to me, but i think this letter should be pretty easy to understand.

those that truly relish life and are able to embrace all that it brings, i totally admire and envy you. i've tried everything within my power to appreciate it and i do, believe me i do, but it just isn't enough anymore. i don't have the passion anymore and it simply isn't fair to fool you, any of you, or myself.

i'm unable to get past the frustration, guilt, and the pain i have caused to those i care for and those i love. every day i am reminded of these things by smiling faces, sharp words, and the void that nobody but me seems to see. it all makes me feel too fucking sad. yes, i'm the sad little sensitive, unappreciative selfish bastard. you have it good, why can't you just enjoy what you have? i don't know!

perhaps it's the children -- they are so full of hope, love and joy thinking nobody will do them any harm. it reminds me of what i used to be and the thought of them becoming the miserable, self-destructive person that i've become terrifies me beyond words. may there still be hope of saving them.

peace, love, empathy.

ac

Maybe It Does Work

jm brought to my attention that when you run the cryptographever over my post (with title) that talks about going to my friend alan's wedding, it returns the phrase:

Cryptographever discover the message hidden in this text:
----->>>>>> kill him now

heh! how apropro.

Mixmaster, Sand and the Bumper Buddies

since i haven't created a linkblog yet for myself and quite probably will never get around to it, i thought i'd share with you this amusing tool which will take the content of one site and set it to the look of another. so mix and match your blog-buddies and have fun.

it has been some time since i've lived with snow, these guys should consider moving to warmer weather -- watch the WMV video, and yes it is work safe.

and i guess while i'm at it... seen at enigmas and via Electric Bugaloo, i present to you a page with a fantastic video of a guy doing sand art animation.

Secret Messages

i've always been one that likes to add subtle touches to messages which can add a bit of "i wonder" to them. those subliminal messages that will make some people wonder what was meant by a verse, a line, a date or time, and the traditional was this for/about me. i know i've done that from time to time -- read a post and wondered those things. i like to call it -- is it a sign. a sign from who? i dunno. but then again i don't know a whole hell of a lot.

you might have heard about the whole bible code thing? it's amusing. not interesting, because frankly what they are doing is silly. but as far as silly things go, someone will make use of the idea on the net somewhere.

cryptographever
Cryptographever is an on-line application which lets you discover secret messages hidden in webpages published on internet. It is possibile to analyze any text with cryptographever. You only have to past it in a form and to click a button. A server-side procedure scans the text and allows you to see if a secret message is hidden.

so run off now and find all the secret meanings of the things you have been reading.

Just My Imagination

i saw reference to this a few weeks ago, but now two different rss feeds have made further mention, so i may was well chime in. wtf! i mean really, an imaginary girlfriend that can be obtained via an ebay auction! now if this was a one-off (pun not intended) thing, i suppose i could snicker and move along, but there are many of them posted! and people seem to be buying. hell, there are even buy now links on some of them. i wonder if they take imaginary money?!?

in all seriousness, what is the point here. my take is that this is just a way to get around ebay's rules on selling porn. i took a peek at a couple of the auctions -- for research purposes of course -- and it seems to jive with my thought on the matter. take this auction for example... um.... hold on....

yes... ok. so that auction. sure, she's attractive -- if that is really her, but what do you really get out of the deal? in this case 1-hour of video chat, several hand written letters all girlied up, 2 pictures: one clean, one not-so clean, and an autographed 8x10. autographed? really?!? like girlfriends do that? guess i was dating the wrong kinda girls. or not.

now just as i was thinking that we males truly are pathetic, there are in fact also ebay auctions for imaginary boyfriends too. yes, i'm comfortably enough in my sexuality to have looked. now there are certainly less available and the going prices are much lower, so i guess i'll have to conclude that men are either not as good at marketing themselves, or we are prone to over-bidding. you make the call.

now admit it... a bunch of you are thinking... hell, i could do that. shit! even i could snap a bunch of photos of myself, write some nice letters... i wonder what the going price on an anonymous coward is these days. *snicker*

Word Association, Week 51

1. Political:: asylum
2. Concentration:: excuse me. did i break your
3. Fish:: and abe vigoda as
4. Lunacy:: bin
5. Red:: simply
6. Imply:: assume
7. Recognize:: associate
8. Sexist:: comment
9. Commercial:: super bowl
10. Stricken:: from the record

by now i'm sure you know this was via LunaNiña, but it just feels wrong not to link over there.

Beginning

as i mentioned earlier this month, i've decided to try the long lost art of letter writing using dearx for some of it's topics. lets see how it goes. no laughing!

Dear X,

As you have probably read from the newspaper, the war is winding down and according to Major Austin, we should be home before spring. Like most of the guys, I am excited to be getting home again. To start living a normal life. To start a new life all over again.

There will be so much to catch up on with me not being there for the holidays and mostly for the birth of Hannah. I did get the picture you sent me. She is so beautiful, just like her mother! And those eyes, they are definitely yours. I fear she will tromp all over me when she flashes those baby blues at me and says "please", softening my heart to the point my will may not hold as firmly as it should. It was your eyes that had their way with me, and I am thankful every day they did.

I sit here, with a tear in my eye, thinking of you and Hannah, alone during the cold winter nights. You are a strong woman and I have been blessed by having you in my life. The letters and brief phone calls, while cherished have taken their toll. I long to hear the full fidelity of your voice when you tell me how much you love me, rather than a tiny, vacant facsimile telling me how much you miss me.

I love you with all my heart. Kiss Hannah for me and let her know that daddy will be home soon. Sweet dreams.

Settling A Dispute With A Teen

so you may recall my post about microsoft going after a teen that registered a clever domain name -- mikerowesoft.com. well, the boys in redmond finally got clued in. how would you settle a dispute with a teen if you were microsoft? my first thought was -- give the kid an xbox and games. they sure could have saved some time if they'd have asked me.

note to mike rowe: i think i'd have held out for the PS2, just to make 'em squirm!

From the Fellas in 02139

yes! this zip decode is very cool. i've wondered this for a long time. it lets you look at a map of the U.S. and has a single white dot for every zip code. as you type in the numbers, only matching zips remain, thus zooming in to that specific location. as one person said... "it's frighteningly addictive".

Friday Five: At this moment

i really am trying to cut down on doing so many memes. i kinda sorta have my dearx letters in my head. i'll try and tap them out this weekend.

At this moment, what is your favorite...

1. ... song?
   it's hard to pick just one, but i'll go with "all apologies" by nirvana
2. ... food
   good cheese enchiladas. yum!
3. ... tv show
   the practice
4. ... scent
   i try not to smell, so i'm going with no scent. people tend to smile when they tell me i have no scents at all. i don't understand the giggling afterwards though. hmmm.
5. ... quote
   me, a favorite quote? as in just one? yikes!
   

   There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.
   -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

alright alright alright alright

whether you like outkast and the hey ya song or not, this video is just too cool. i don't think the peanuts gang is quite ready to change their phrase to "happiness is... hey ya", but they sure seem to be having a good time.

now click it. click it. click it like a blog link baby. click it.

Somebody Likes Me

in the wake of all this social network hoo-haa and google announcing their version orkut, i actually got my first invite. not to the google one, which would have been cool, but i did get a personal invite to one if it's competitors -- linked in. guess that makes me semi-cool. a tier-2 socialite. wait! ac. socialite? uh... yeah, that doesn't make any sense. oh well, if there are any orkut folks out there that want to move me up the food chain, i'll be waiting for my invite with bated breath.

What Do You Use?

being the resident geek means i get asked from time to time "what do you use?" in reference to applications, web sites, and so forth. i thought it might be useful to jot a few of those down here for those that might be interested.

for web browsing, while i will use internet explorer from time to time, most of my browsing is done with mozilla firebird. that is not to be confused with mozilla which integrates in email, irc chat, html editing and such. firebird is simple the web browser component. one of the nice features are the extensions available for it. i currently have installed:

• editCSS
  this allows me to edit the current css stylesheet and see the changes right before my eyes. excellent for tweaking a site's style.
• mozilla fbrh 0.6.1
  toolbar enhancements
• session saver
  as you'd expect, it will save your session (tabs) and next time you start the browser, you'll be back where you were.
• tabbrowser extentions
  i loaded this so i could reorder via drag and drop my browser tabs
• tabbrowser preferences
  adds gui options to change some of the hidden tab browser preferences available.
• bookmark backup
  automatically creates backups of my bookmarks.
• dictionary search
  highlight a word on a web page, right click and select this and it does a dictionary lookup for you.
• launchy
  allows me to open links with external programs. cool feature is opening up the current page (or a link) with another browser without having to do the copy & paste dance.
• live http headers
  allows you to see the http server headers and interaction between the browser and the remote server. very handy for debugging some web applications.

speaking of web applications, to deal with rss (real simple syndication) feeds, i've been making use of bloglines. it sure makes life easier when there are a lot of news sites and blogs you are trying to keep up with. it will even import/export opml files making it easier to move to/from this excellent service. i have also begun using a new bookmark-like service that i think is smarter than bookmarks, it is called furl. it's kind of a web page filing cabinet and is meant for maintaining lots of links -- you know, like the ones you save off, but by the time you sort of remember them for something and want to go back to it you can't find it. they've tossed a nice search interface on it to find things and allow you to furl pages with a toolbar button. another nice feature since it is web based is that these furl'ed pages are available from any browser anywhere -- home, work, at a friends house. and you can easily share your furl'ed pages with others.

those apps cover the browser, but then we have the wonderful world of instant messaging. since some folks use aol, others msn or yahoo, i found it to be a pain in the ass to have 3 seperate im-clients. the solution: trillian. while there is the free version, this is one application i think is worth paying a few bucks for and that was what i did to get trillian pro. not only does it allow for you to chat with aol, msn, and yahoo! users it does irc and icq. the pro version adds in jabber support via a plug-in. this im client supports plug-ins for a wide variety of functions including im-forwarding, text-to-voice, and more. my favorite plug-in is one that saves off urls. anytime someone im's me a url, it saves it off and i can go back and reference them anytime in the future. the incoming text conversion is nice too... it can swap on the fly those crazy screen names into something more personal. so when your friend with the screenname ib1coolguy writes you, it can convert and you'll see "joe smith" or whatever you want. a new plug-in i haven't tried will do language conversion. neat huh? there are lots of other plug-ins!!!

if you haven't tried trillian, i suggest you take a peek.

that covers browsing and instant messaging, maybe i'll go into a few unix and/or pc based goodies another time. until then...

Apple Gets It

it is becoming very clear. Apple Gets It. first they move their operating system to the unix based os x which gives them a rock solid core to build their ui and apps on top of. then the infamous ipod, using a microdrive rather than a memory based technology like flash. they open up itunes so people can get songs for just 99-cents. ok, there are some issues there, but lets face it -- it is (was) a big step in the right direction. now they are generating itunes rss feeds.

Penguin Home Run Derby

what do yeti's do for fun? they play penguin home run derby^*. my best score is 320.5. this also gives new meaning to bashing penguins to us hockey fans!

^* no animals were harmed during the playing of this game.

One More Makes A Dozen

dang! we've just had eleven earthquakes in the last hour and a half all centered within about 5 miles of my house. four were over 3.0. lets hope this is not the sign of things to come. for those curious of what else is shakin', here's the usgs link for the area. with this recent activity, maybe i should subscribe to their new handy dandy rss feed.

Long and Winding Road

probably the single thing i like about my once a week commute is the time it provides me to think alone. sure, i have to watch for crazy drivers and make sure i don't drive off any cliffs i don't intend to drive off of; however, it is still time to myself. i can listen to whatever music i want, loud or soft, switch songs mid-verse or repeat them over and over. it is my time to reflect on the past or dream of the future. until i can sit on the porch of my home overlooking a lake surrounded by a dark green forest and trimmed by the snowcapped peaks of nearby mountains, the drive will have to do. i just need to solve how i can make entries into an "idea book" since it is during those times i find so many things i would like to write about.

as i made my way this morning, staind's it's been a while popped on as i was in deep thought. the dramatic lyrics seeped into my mind and got it running full bore. it was like the music was just for me. a lifehouse tune was up next and continued that train of thought. i wish i could remember it all. it seemed so important at the time.

recently i stumbled across a site which made me think about letter writing. people just don't do that much anymore. not real letters at least. we fire off quick notes by email or leave a short voice mail, but letters, long thought out letters, seem few and far between. dearx: a collaborative writing project provides an outlet for this sort of writing.

Dear X is a writing project, consisting of unsent letters. Every month, a topic is set for the participants to write a journal entry on - in the form of a letter.

while i am not terribly inclined to join their little group (webring) since i find it rather snobby to exclude submissions because they are not part of the ring, i do believe i will participate on my own terms, using their topics and posting my entries here. i particularly like their december/january topics and will start there. stay tuned.

Dreams Of Quotes

i'm not sure when it happened, but i stopped dreaming at night or at least stopped remembering them. it didn't hit me until i saw this quote from one of my favorite authors:

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.  -- Edgar Allen Poe

Mike Rowe Soft

here we have a kid named mike rowe that decided to get a domain name for himself. given his name, he thought it would be amusing to use it and append "soft" thus making a pun on microsoft. as fate might have it, the software giant didn't find it as funny and got their lawyers to handle the situation. i find it particularly ironic and apropro that the firm they used is called Smart & Biggar. i think that about sums it up doesn't it? for the full ap story read: Microsoft Takes on Teen Over Web Site over at yahoo! news.

Ego Boost Plus Links

first, the ego boost... over at jane's she mentioned an on-line IQ Score Interpretation Calculator. being the sucker i am for tests and their interpretations, i naturally bounced over there and plugged in my last measured score.

IQ: 135
Age: 37
Higher Than: 99%
Mental Age: Superior Adult
Category: Very Superior
Typical Capabilities: Capable of understanding highly complex academic material.

pffft! mental age as superior adult? you have got to be kidding. i am more likely to be acting like a 12 year old just with a slightly better vocabulary and financial position. well, that or a crotchety old man i suppose. i think i can be characterized as acting like just about every age that i'm not. perhaps it is an issue of denial. hmmm.

now the guy that did this is sharp. it definitely looks like a graphic, but is done entirely with css. adding in the filters makes it that much more amazing. ok, so it isn't practical, it is still cool in the geeky sense.

tired of the old lorem ipsum as text filler or simply turned off by latin? the folks over at toolbot have a little utility called ungreek which will use alternative texts to provide you with placeholder text that still conveys the shape and "color" of text without the distraction of actual content.

lastly, this is what happens when someone handy with photoshop gets spam and a vision of what it might have really meant. it seriously reminds me of that old t-shirt with sylvester the cat and foghorn leghorn squaring off. you know, the one where sylvester calls foghorn a chicken and the rooster's retort is to call the cat a pussy. ok, ok. really, it is much funnier on the t-shirt.

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

so my trillian window pops up this afternoon -- it's anw, for the umteenth time i might add. some interuptions are nice, but please... make it worth my while.

[13:47] **************: you have to read this one
[13:47] **************: its something you would write!

Actual question on a University of Washington chemistry midterm:

mmmmK. well, let me set the record straight -- i find the question amusing and the answer creative. also cute is snopes take on the matter questioning the postulate if souls exist, then they must have some mass, and the catholic church's take. heh.

none the less, i believe there are several subtle errors in the student's calculus and i'll share one here with those that have bothered to read this far -- all one or two of you i'm sure. first, the calculations implicitly assume that the number of souls in hell at any given time is fixed. it seems to me that the number of souls in hell at any given time is not fixed, but rather that souls can wander in and out of hell. consider that i know i have been through hell -- a few times even -- which clearly shows that i have been there and come back; thus indicating the potential for souls to migrate back and forth. this of course assumes my soul goes with me, and i'll leave that for another debate at another time.

oh, and for kicks... to take issue with the evidence of ms. banyan. yahoo sports tells me the patriots are up 21-7 in the afc championship game. seems to me that hell could very well freeze over. if the student is reading this by some chance, i suggest he (or she i suppose) give ms. banyan a call. of course, as i finish typing that, the colts score a touchdown to narrow the lead with 2:27 left.

Small, Medium, Large

i am not a coffee drinker; however, i have been to starbucks a couple of times and enjoyed a nice medium grande hot chocolate. i, too, have wondered what was up with the names of their drink sizes. maybe it's a pacific northwest thing about not wanting to follow standards (yes, that is a microsoft dig!). well, foamy gives his take on the matter. while certainly not as funny as some of his earlier rants, he is quickly becoming my favorite squirrel -- sorry rocky.

Good Day:: Bad Day

up and out the door by 8am. yuk! but things got better as the day went along. i got to the rink early and managed to sub in for one of the teams which is always a treat. while i was chipping pucks up the boards, the san jose sharks beat the colorado avalanche 2-1. then my team's game rolled around and we won 3-2, i only managed a single assist, but it's the win that counts!

word association, week 50_2

1. Berry:: straw
2. Fiendish:: wrote the dyslexic food critic
3. Bar:: off the cross
4. Frank:: n. furter
5. Bend:: over baby
6. Fanatic:: al
7. Belch:: excuse me
8. Flagrant:: foul
9. Burden:: beast of
10. Flimsy:: cheap

a new weekly meme called first four which is kinda like the word association except it is a single word/phrase and you give the first four things that come to mind. what they hell. this week is martin luthor king jr.:

1. i have a dream
2. shot by james earl ray
3. reverand
4. coretta scott king

Oh the Movies I've Seen

over at asmallvictory.net, michele tackled imdb's top-100 movies to see which she has seen and also challenged those that also did this to see how many of the bottom-100 they had seen as well. i've seen a lot of movies lately, so lets see how i do.

going slightly against what she has done, i've making ones i've seen in bold and ones i own like this.

Top-100

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler's List (1993)
8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) [Seven Samurai]
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)*
17. Memento (2000) (very good movie!)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain, Le (2001) [Amelie]
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966) [The Good, the Bad and the Ugly]
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Third Man, The (1949)
40. C'era una volta il West (1968) [Once Upon a Time in the West]
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Boot, Das (1981)
43. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (Spirited Away)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Se7en (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. Cidade de Deus (2002) [City of God]
57. Raging Bull (1980)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rashmon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. American History X (1998)
62. Alien (1979)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Leon (The Professional) (1994)
65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
66. Vita bella, La (1997) (Life Is Beautiful)
67. Touch of Evil (1958)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. Ran (1985)
78. On the Waterfront (1954)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run)
98. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
99. Notorious (1946)
100. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957) [The Seventh Seal]

Bottom-100

1 'Manos' the Hands of Fate
2 From Justin to Kelly (2003)
3 Future War (1997)
4 Space Mutiny (1988)
5 Troll 2 (1990)
6 Eegah (1962)
7 Hobgoblins (1987)
8 Backyard Dogs (2000)
9 Gigli (2003)
10 Santa with Muscles (1996)
11 Going Overboard
12 Werewolf (1996)
13 Giant Spider Invasion, The
14 Glitter (2001)
15 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
16 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow
17 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
18 Kazaam (1996)
19 Leonard Part 6 (1987)
20 Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
21 Hercules in New York (1970)
22 Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
23 It's Pat (1994)
24 Baby Geniuses (1999)
25 2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
26 Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
27 Cool as Ice (1991)
28 Bolero (1984)
29 Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The
30 Mitchell (1975)
31 Smokey and the Bandit III (1983)
32 Teen Wolf Too (1987)
33 Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
34 House of the Dead (2003)
35 Vercingétorix (2001)
36 Captain America (1991)
37 Steel (1997)
38 Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach
39 Cat in the Hat, The (2003)
40 Mannequin: On the Move (1991)
41 Rollerball (2002)
42 Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
43 Ringmaster (1998) 2.9
44 Master of Disguise, The (2002)
45 Problem Child 2 (1991)
46 Spice World (1997) .
47 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
48 Cop & 1/2 (1993)
49 Mr. Nanny (1993)
50 Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
51 Street Fighter (1994)
52 Jaws 3-D (1983)
53 Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
54 Double Dragon (1994)
55 Crossroads (2002)
56 Barb Wire (1996)
57 Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, An
58 Bats (1999/I)
59 FeardotCom (2002)
60 Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
61 Mangler, The (1995)
62 RoboCop 3 (1993)
63 Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
64 Best Defense (1984)
65 Mac and Me (1988) I
66 Iron Eagle II (1988)
67 Mr. Magoo (1997)
68 Grease 2 (1982)
69 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
70 Ticker (2001)
71 Glen or Glenda (1953)
72 Mr. Wrong (1996)
73 Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
74 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
75 Pokémon the First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1999)
76 Avengers, The (1998)
77 Jury Duty (1995)
78 Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
79 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
80 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
81 Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
82 Derailed (2002)
83 Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
84 Caddyshack II (1988)
85 Weekend at Bernie's II (1993)
86 Omega Code, The (1999)
87 Super Mario Bros. (1993)
88 Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
89 Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
90 Endless Love (1981)
91 Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
92 Nothing But Trouble (1991)
93 McHale's Navy (1997)
94 On Deadly Ground (1994)
95 Kangaroo Jack (2003)
96 Batman & Robin (1997)
97 Stupids, The (1996) I
98 Pet Sematary II (1992)
99 Leprechaun (1993)
100 Bio-Dome (1996)

		saw		own
top-100		42		11
bottom-100		12		1

Meme's, Quizzes, and Links. Oh My!

eventually all these memes and quizzes will grow old, but i think i will always be inclined to share links to stuff. sharing is what this is all about isn't it? mmmmm, on second thought, don't answer that.

if you have a relatively fast internet connecting, check out donkey konga which is a commercial for a game in japan. the side effect is that you also learn to play the bongos. heh!

here a person posts some pretty funny IM sessions. i don't know if they are real or made up, but ones like aliens and counselor simply cracked me up. ah! chatrooms. where men are men. women are men. and 15 year old girls are FBI agents.

political advertising isn't what it used to be, or so it seems over at bush in 30 seconds. this site is definitely worth the visit.

free enneagram test

yes, i in fact have taken yet another quiz. so sue me! my rheti type was type 5. what type are you???? you have to scroll down some to see the test after following the link. Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable Basic Desire: To be capable and competent Enneagram Five with a Four-Wing: "The Iconoclast" Enneagram Five with a Six-Wing: "The Problem Solver addictions Poor eating and sleeping habits due to minimizing needs. Neglecting hygiene and nutrition. Lack of physical activity. Psychotropic drugs for mental stimulation and escape, narcotics for anxiety. hey! i play hockey, so i'm reasonably active. i shower aftewards too! geez! Other type 5's: Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Georgia O'Keefe, Stanley Kubrick, John Lennon, Lily Tomlin, Gary Larson, Laurie Anderson, Merce Cunningham, Meredith Monk, James Joyce, Bjšrk, Susan Sontag, Emily Dickenson, Agatha Christie, Ursula K. LeGuin, Jane Goodall, Glenn Gould, John Cage, Bobby Fischer, Tim Burton, David Lynch, Stephen King, Clive Barker, Trent Reznor, Friedrich Nietzsche, Vincent Van Gogh, Kurt Cobain, and "Fox Mulder" (X Files). more details.

friday five

1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?
   До свидания, but transliterated.
   
2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?
   i graduated. we didn't do that.
   
3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?
   i don't have 'em. when i lived in virginia, they allowed the apersand and and the time i wanted &JAPH. it's a geek thing. i wouldn't want that one now, but at the time it would have been good.
   
4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?
   nope. i'm assuming awards don't count. 5. What would you like your epitaph to be?
   since i'd be dead, at least at this point i really don't give a rats ass what it said. since i wanted to be cremated, perhaps "finally burned out" would be fitting.

theme thursday's theme this week was funky. looking around to see what i could come up with, i picked a pen i was given. he seems like a pretty funky fish to me!

and over at photo friday, the challenge was motion. finally, a challenge that my camera is up to. heh! when i've taken pictures at bmw's hockey games, some setting i dorked with on my camera now makes the pictures blur. maybe it is because they skate faster now. i dunno. either way, it pays off this time. we have two forwards high tailing it out of the zone with the puck after a big save and rebound.

I Am Man, Hear Me Roar

i feel rather accomplished. some of the stupid little things i've needed to take care of are now done. and yeah, so... ok, i have like a bazillion more to take care of, but some are done. stupid little things -- like finally getting the damn windshield wipers on my suv replaced. fixing the hanging light in the dining room. things that i would have told anyone else with the same needs -- hey, just do it. it will only take a few minutes, but as i now understand more fully -- it sometimes takes more than the skill and time to fix things.

enough of that for the moment. i took some more quizes. according to the gender test, i am in fact a male. they were 80% confident. this was actually quite an interesting (and somewhat scientific) you should give it a whirl. my long time readers may recall that book log said i write like a girl. hmmm, maybe i should write a harlequin. heh. regardless, i appreciate that they have reaffirmed my manliness. no comments from the peanut gallery!

with the hopes of being captain jack sparrow (hmmm, mental note for halloween), i took the which johnny depp character you're most like quiz. i am most unimpressed, but present to you my results for your entertainment and amusement. me? gilbert grape. puh-lease. i am captain jack sparrow damn it!!! now to go find my meds!

You Are Gilbert From "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" You are very giving and self-sacrificing. You're always there to lend a helping hand to family and friends. However, this generous nature often robs you of fulfilling your needs and desires, and may cause you to become resentful. Find a way to balance your kindness with your independence.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Movies in Madness

i started watching a lot of movies this fall, and thought i might share my brief opinions on them. since i started keeping track of the movies i've watched, i have used a simple thumbs-up (^), thumbs-down (v), and ehhhh (-) system. for this exercise and to perhaps provide you better feedback, i'm rating them 1-5 where 1 sucks and 5 really is one i'd certainly watch more than twice. there have been some surprises for sure (to me at least). lets see how this goes.

this list only includes movies that i hadn't seen before or that i'm thinking others may not have seen before. not that anybody cares, but the list is in pretty close to being in order of viewing and starts sometime in late june, early july and the last one was seen last night.

• My Big Fat Greek Wedding (4)
  much better than i expected and almost makes you want to marry greek.
• The Usual Suspects (4)
  i don't know why i waited to see this. i now own a copy.
• How to lose a guy in 10 days (3)
  cute idea for a movie. worth watching once, that's about it.
• Koyaanisqatsi (5)
  way too hard to describe.
• 28 days later (2)
  yeah, 28 days later it was out on dvd.
• Flash Gordon (3)
  given a 3 because it is one of those classics
• The Emperor's Club (3)
  i was disappointed a bit, i guess i was expectiong something as good as dead poet's society.
• About Schmidt (1)
  slow. very slow.
• The Recruit (4)
  definitely worth the rental
• Phone Booth (3)
  no useful comment. worth a rental though.
• Bowling for Columbine (3)
  you have to like documentaries, otherwise don't bother. does have some amusing parts.
• The Ring (3)
  the hype had me expecting more.
• Final Destination 2 (3)
  predictable.
• Bringing Down the House (2)
  wasn't this supposed to be funny?
• The Life of David Gale (4.5)
  an excellent surprise.
• Catch Me If You Can (4)
  i wasn't expecting much with this one, and it turned out to be pretty good. is leo c getting better?!?
• Hunted (4)
  i gave it a thumbs up after watching it, but now don't remember it. i'll go with my first impression.
• Head of State (4)
  was expecting funny. got funny.
• Darkness Falls (3)
  interesting twist on the whole tooth fairy thing.
• Raising Victor Vargas (1)
  well, it looked like it might be interesting when i rented it. yawn.
• Red Dragon (3)
  if you haven't seen it and there is nothing better in the queue to watch, otherwise move along.
• Identity (3)
  i was expecting much more. the movie was ok at best.
• Two Weeks Notice (4)
  sandra bullock movie pretty much gets you a 3. i've already talked about this one a little back in september.
• Bulletproof Monk (3)
  this was actually better than expected.
• Malibu's Most Wanted (3)
  a silly funny. and yes, there do see to be dorks like that here in ca. thankfully they are mainly down south... like in malibu apparently.
• A Man Apart (2)
  damn it. i was expecting a good movie out of vin.
• Anger Management (4)
  nickelson does a great job! definitely watch this if you haven't.
• 8 Mile (4)
  eminem made a decent movie. go figure.
• Confidence (4)
  another movie that i really didn't expect much from. watch it.
• View From The Top (2)
  not nearly as funny as expected. bummer.
• Daddy Daycare (3)
  cute family movie. was hoping for something a bit more funny out of eddie murphy, but i wasn't left disappointed really.
• Holes (2)
  definitely a kids movie, based off the book i guess.
• Ghost Ship (2)
  a couple really good parts surrounded by a predictable and yawn inducing plot.
• The Good Thief (3)
  not bad, not great. worth a rental
• Bend it like Beckham (4)
  maybe it's my childhood love for soccer, this movie was quite good. it had a plot and everything.
• Dreamcatchers (2)
  one of the more disappointing movies i watched.
• Boat Trip (2)
  yeah, it certainly had it's funny moments, but got downright silly much too often.
• 2 Fast 2 Furious (3)
  it was a sequel. 'nuf said
• Real Women Have Curves (2)
  don't ask. frankly, it sends a good message and the title is bang on, but the movie just didn't do it for me.
• Killing Emmitt Young (3)
  pretty good movie and certainly worth seeing if you haven't.
• Italian Job (4)
  expected good, got pretty good.
• The In-Laws (3)
  yawn. better than prime-time tv i suppose.
• Willard (2)
  i was really expecting something better. good rat tricks gives it the two.
• Wrong Turn (2)
  i thought this was going to be really good. it went down hill really fast.
• 13 Conversations About One Thing (3)
  interesting.
• Just Married (3)
  about what i'd expect from ashton. someone should have punk'd him during the film, i'd have given an extra half-point.
• Women .vs. Men (2.5)
  another yawn. had a few good moments.
• Matrix Reloaded (4.5)
  after i manage to watch it again at some point, i'll decide if it's a 4 or 5. the movie had some depth to it which was nice.
• Loco Love (4)
  who'd of thought. i liked it.
• Home Room (3.5)
  originally i gave it a middle rating, it deserves a touch more.
• Finding Nemo (3)
  i was really expecting something at the level of shrek. oh well. not bad, but not as good as i had hoped.
• Good Fences (1)
  this movie simply sucked. i'd have taken a smithy on this one. geez.
• Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (4)
  hey! he's my governor and i'm required to give a positive review. yeah, and the movie was pretty good too. they blew up a lot of shit as expected.
• tomb raider 2 (3)
  would they just show her naked already. please.
• Maid in Manhattan (4)
  i was expecting this to be totally dopey. it ended up being a good sappy and j-lo did a fine job of acting. who'd of thunk?
• PS: Your Cat is Dead (1)
  if you only want a chuckle or two, this is your flick. nah, avoid it unless totally bored.
• Eight Crazy Nights (3)
  it's adam sandler. i'd watch it again, but only for the company of watching it with others that wanted to see it.
• X2: X-Men United (4)
  better than the first, imho.
• Bruce Almighty (3)
  just didn't meet my expectations (running theme here?), but did have it's moments. typical jim carey.
• Pirates of the Carribean: Legend of the Black Pearl (5)
  depp has come a long way from 21 jump street. raise your hand if you want to be captain jack sparrow. mhmmm. just what i thought. a must see.
• Solaris (2)
  flop.
• In Hell (1)
  not even good by jean claude van damm standards. sigh
• Gangs of New York (4)
  very good. long, but worth watching. it actually goes by pretty quickly. i'd certainly watch it again.
• LOTR: Two Towers (4)
  i still liked lord of the rings better.
• Freaky Friday (3.5)
  better than the original for sure. good music and wrapped up nicely.
• Santa Clause 2 (2)
  a prime example of when not to make a sequel.
• Down With Love (4)
  i was expecting this movie to suck eggs. the whole 50's theme (and mocking it a bit) became quite appealing. nothing that will make you say wow, but an entertaining view none the less. very austin power's-ish.
• The Order (3)
  i was really hoping for something better, but if there really is a sin eater i wonder where i can apply for the job.
• The Hours (4)
  took a while to adjust to the time shifting. i'd watch it again for sure.
• American Pie 3: American Wedding (4)
  funny! and they didn't even have to say "and this one time at band camp..."
• Crime Spree (2)
  started out good but eventually flaked out.
• The Unsaid (4)
  a bit predictable, but for a $4 rental, get it!
• Underworld (3)
  lots of shoot 'em up. they tried to add in some plot, but it didn't quite all fit together for me. i don't regret seeing it, but i don't see myself watching it again.

so there we have it... 73 movies in roughy 6 months. along the way i also watched the sopranos latest season on dvd plus some unknown number of movies i'd seen before and suspect most others have too.

Mental Break

lack of focus has put me behind on some critical work; however, every now and again we still need to step away for a few moments. i suppose the good news of the day is that i tested officially negative for TB. there will be a retest in march, but i do draw some comfort getting one more thing off my mind.

• how many wives would do this?
  i dunno! maybe she is dead set on making his life hell!
  
• wacky warning labels
  heh! a label that reads "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product." just takes the cake doesn't it? we have become such a fucking litigious society. here's a plan, remove stupid warning labels and allow natural selection to take its course!
  
• U.S. jet accidentally bombs Yorkshire
  come on, we all know that despite winning the revolutionary war there are still some americans that would like to kick england's butt again. [snicker]
  
• quick kudos to 3rd string netminder brian boucher of the phoenix coyotes on 5 hours, 32 minutes, and 1 second of shut out hockey. you rock dude.
  
• #13 is back!!! it's being reported that dan marino is heading back to the dolphins. it is a shame that it is a front office job. either way it is good to know danny is back!
  
• this past saturday (Jan 10 05:37:04 2004 PST), unix time officially began using 31 bits. if you don't understand... never mind. next up, the year 2038.
  
• here is an interesting business starting up -- ripping cds to mp3 plus they return it organized. tempting!
  

lastly, and i just read about this myself, adobe has confirmed that they have added code to some of their products to thwart counterfeiting efforts. apparently the software is identifying some distinctive constellation of dots in various currencies which keeps photoshop from opening/editing the image. there are workarounds (of course); however, there could be some interesting applications of this. imagine putting the same constellation in your photographs published to the web. not that it is a big deal, but it will be amusing to see how long it is until someone posts a crack to jump around this check. my guess, by weeks end.

Word Association, Week 49_2

i still like these. now if i could just get my diagnosis from a real dr. michael hunter...

1. Mitchell:: joni
2. Mercury:: freddie
3. Cycle:: the puck down low
4. Engagement:: rules of
5. Alternative:: rock
6. Gang:: cool and the
7. Emotional:: problems
8. Skinny:: minny
9. Hypochondriac:: i think i'm sick
10. Insecure:: feelings

as always, brought to you from unconscious mutterings.

Hey!

had i gone to richland middle school, i shudder to think where i'd be today. still suspended, i'm sure!

48 Hours To Live...

it's been a few days since the warning signs, and today -- an overcast day by any standards -- i drove to the doctors. it's funny how the trip there always seems longer. at about the midway point, i keep thinking the hospital will be the next turn. i know it's not, but i keep expecting it inexplicably. every time. the drive home always seems shorter even though i take the same route. i don't know why.

it all started monday when i got this...

From: [sender omitted]
To: everyone@company.address.com
Subject: Visit by Health Department tomorrow at 11 am.
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 15:08:46 -0800

One of our employees has contracted tuberculosis. As a precautionary and
routine measure a nurse from the local health department will be at out
office tomorrow at 11 am to do a skin test. I have placed a two page fact
sheet in your box at work that explains TB and the skin test. If you have
any questions please do not hesitate to ask. Thanks.

[name omitted]
[title omitted]
[comany name omitted]

so today begins my 48 hours to live without knowing if i have become infected. see, my work arrangement greatly limited my exposure and i was going to be unavailable for the follow-up, so i didn't get my test until today, so i must wait until monday afternoon to get the scoop. if positive, it's back for blood work, x-rays, and a 9-month supply of meds.

i made fun with some of the others as they checked their bumps throughout the day. today, i look at my arm every time a cough. a cough that has lasted weeks on end. besides, i generally don't catch things. seriously. i'm a thirty-something that despite numerous exposures, failed to catch chickenpox. also, odds are that it would be inactive, which just means i get to eat pills for nine months, though admittedly, being quarantined and kept away from people does have it's appeal. more time for blogging. haha!

Evanescence

allow me to make myself at least a little useful as i twist and wind through yet another day. the band like the word can make one take pause and reflect upon the moment. i know i have been doing a lot of that lately and the lyrics of many of their songs give me that much more to reflect upon. to feel, perhaps, others may understand me.

most of you may recognize their music from the movie dare devil. their tunes my immortal and bring me to life are two of the better known songs from the flick. the heavenly vocals and radiant blue eyes of amy lee are difficult to forget as is the bands dramatic dark rock style. lee has penned some powerful lyrics and i really look forward to hearing more of their music. give it a listen if you haven't already.

below is a sampling of their lyrics...

bring me back to life

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark

my immortal

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

taking me over

you don't remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

Foiled Again

i've always been a bit of a prankster myself, but i never thought of this one. kudos to the clever culprit.

Thursday Memes

when i have an urge to say something -- just anything -- it is the memes that provide me that outlet. i get to just answer some questions rather than ripping out another piece of myself for public display.

thursday three

1. What was the last song that you listened to?
   it's been a while by staind
   
2. What was the last album you bought?
   the very best of by sheryl crow
   
3. Are there any albums or songs you plan on getting soon?
   planning? no.
   

3 for Thursday

1. Do you have any pets? If so what kind and what are their names?
   currently no.
   
2. What are 3 of your favorite animals?
   in the context of pets...
   
   • dogs
   • rock (i loved my pet rock)
   • sea monkeys (fish ok)
   
   3. What 3 animals do you not like?
   again, in the context of pets...
   
   • birds
   • hamsters
   • snakes

theme thursday
This weeks theme: "Eating--Everybody does it. Dogs do it, so do cats, bees, butterflies and every other living thing."

not quite like my oma would make, but still quite yummy!

lost & frozen

there it is in black and white - toner fused to paper for me to see, insisting i believe. the bearer needing me to believe. the recipient not wanting to believe. i'm called misguided. obviously not thinking straight. temporary insanity. i'm lost in my empty neediness, a narcissistic need for intense flattery. there are statistics to prove it. i'm doomed.

lost a whisper caresses tickles the ear revitalizes senses spin around wanting to grab to grasp the kind soul see nothing nothing to grab it was just... longing

frozen swallowed by darkness. no struggling, no last gasps. eyes wide shut. anticipating. awaiting. a decision. an answer. acknowledging. stalling. the choice to be made. made alone. forever, alone.

Not Everything Is Big In Texas

a news report apparently aired on a texas news channel (wfaa) reporting about the cowboys woes. seems it may be doing more to dispell a few myths than making fans feel better about 'dem cowboys. heh. lastly, i don't know how to say this more clearly -- this wmv file is not work friendly.

I'm Hungry

jwz points out an interesting set of drawings. there are 9 of them and were done by an artist under the influence of LSD -- part of a test conducted by the US government during it's dalliance with psychotomimetic drugs in the late 1950's. i really liked number 6.

jane reports that subway now has two "atkins wraps" on its menu and will be adding three "atkins friendly" salads in april. i've also noticed that commercials are now often mentioning carbs in their ads. i can't speak for others, but you'll have to pry pasta out of my cold dead hands.

on a totally different note, i am so going to get one of these things if they ever come back in stock. we (ok, it's mw's) already have the namco one and it's pretty cool.

When A Door Closes

the door closes and with it come dark and heavy thoughts.
fleeting thoughts.
the disappointment.
words can not convey the feelings

somehow i'll ignore them --- i must
for a while,
perhaps a long while
all day. the night too.
wish it to go away. ignore.

day to day, week to week
i push foward. i tell no one.

The Hours

i watched the hours last night, an interestingly told story about the virginia woolf novel mrs. dalloway. now i have never read the book (the hours) or the novel it deals with; so i don't know whether it is true to the book(s) or not, none the less, i really liked the movie. it started really slow and took more time than i'd prefer to develop the characters, but i think it did it's job well. it was very easy, at least for me, to really feel how some of the characters felt. also, despite the excellent make-up job and the character she was playing (virginia woolf), nicole kidman's sexiness seeped out. that only enhanced the movie!

So on a summer's day waves collect, overbalance, and fall; collect and fall; and the whole world seems to be saying "that is all" more and more ponderously, until even the heart in the body which lies in the sun on the beach says too, That is all. Fear no more, says the heart. Fear no more, says the heart, committing its burden to some sea, which sighs collectively for all sorrows, and renews, begins, collects, lets fall. And the body alone listens to the passing bee; the wave reaking; the dog barking, far away barking and barking.
-- Virgina Woolf (from "Mrs. Dalloway")

like any good movie, it was filled with many memorable quotes and invokes emotion even after the fact. i know it pushed a lot of buttons for me. i think of the looks on little ritchie's face in both the good times and the bad then seeing where he ends up as an adult -- richard, the award winning poet. i must admit i chuckled when he said he mixed xanax and ritalin as he tore away the window coverings.

Richard Brown: Ah, Mrs. Dalloway...always giving parties to cover the silence.
Richard Brown: Who is this party for?
Clarissa Vaughan: What are you asking, what are you trying to say?
Richard Brown: I'm not trying to say anything. I think I'm staying alive just to satisfy you.

the most compelling character aside from virginia was laura brown -- the woman in the 50's reading woolf's novel. a depressed housewife, pregnant and married to an outrageously happy husband. she too had secret lesbian tendencies which tied the three female characters together quite nicely. she had one of the most moving lines of the movie --

What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. And there it is...It was death. I chose life.

when she explained to clarissa vaughan when they met after richard's death. her depression was too much for her to deal with, so after giving birth to the couples second child, she left in the night. it was clear to me that she made that monumental sacrafice in an effort to provide her husband and children a happier life when she found she was unable to kill herself. that moment hit me like a two tons of bricks. i felt so bad for this woman. not only for her making such a difficult decision, but then to find out her son (richard) ended up being a depressed poet who throws himself out a window. damned if you do, damned if you don't, i thought.

The beauty of the world ... has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.   --virginia woolf

You Really Got Me

it was a test, i felt obligated.

Congratulations! Your kinky sex score was 225! Here is the chart so that you can see how you are rated: Under 100 You need to lighten up and live a little! 100 to 200 You have an average sex drive in need of kink. 201 to 300 You have sweet hints of a kinky nature. 300 to 400 You are definitely a kinky player. 400 to 500 You are a major league kinkster! 500 or more WOW! You're too damn kinky for most!!!

had i scored high, i may have titled this post lola instead. heh!

USA USA USA

Team USA scored three unanswered goals in the third period to beat Canada 4-3 for its first gold medal at the World Junior Championship on Monday. North Dakota's Zach Parise, a 2003 first-round pick of the Devils, was selected MVP.

• ESPN.com
• SLAM
• TSN.ca
• archived audio via the usahockey.com website

The Awakening

since there was no permalink, i'm including something i ran across after [ironically] following a few links this morning. it reportedly came off the cyberwidows.com listserv.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out... ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.

You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

And On the 4,256th time Charlie Hustle Said...

i wondered if this day would ever come. like a lot of old-time reds fans, i was in denial, but now it comes out of pete's mouth -- rose admits betting on baseball. i still think... bfd! as long as he didn't bet against any team in which he had direct (or indirect) influence, then why does it really matter. ok, it's a rule. but a stupid rule.

ball players today can do drugs like there is no tomorrow and get little more than a slap on the wrist; however, laying down a buck or two on a game gets you a lifetime ban. we aren't talking throwing a game, we are talking about a simple wager where [presumably] none participants have the ability to alter the outcome.

sure, pete broke the rule -- however, imho, the punishment far outweighs the crime. here's to hoping bud selig does the right thing and reinstates rose. he belongs in the hall of fame. he earned it on the field where players are supposed to show their worth.

The Finger

some things that may amuse you...

• origin of the finger.
• a shocker. call me naive, but i had never heard of that one.
• etymology of foo
• good aim and 25 cents can get you a 7 year old kid.
• 24 year engagement?!?

FMS: collision

i've done the five minute story once before and thought, maybe i should give it another try. the word this time is collision. ready. set. go.

"If the only way for me to be with you is in my dreams then let me dream forever", he thought as reality crashed into his world with unimaginable force and fury. So much so that at times it was impossible to think and at other times it was impossible not to. Visions burst before him like fireworks on independence day. Voices in his head shouting her thoughts and guessing her thoughts mixed with his commentary.

It flows like the ocean, "You hold her in your arms instead of me... ", pounding his inner core, "She's your reason for living... ", like fierce waves crashing along the rocky cliffs, "and for wanting to die" as the sun sets.

geez, i didn't get much down in five minutes. *sigh*

Word Association, Week 48_2

you know i was due for some word association.

1. Vintage:: wine
2. Longing:: to love
3. Specimen:: jar
4. Mock:: parody
5. Shit:: eat and die
6. Friday:: joe
7. Cruel:: and unusual punishment
8. Insufficient:: funds
9. Pessimistic:: view
10. Grin:: and bear it

New Year, New Meme

Saturday Senses is a meme i hadn't seen or tried before. i may as well give it a try and see how it goes. this week, it wants to test your recent memories by asking see if you can remember what were the first, second and third things you...

i thought this was going to be more interesting when i started, but... well... it isn't. but since i've gone through it all, i guess i'll post it anyway. to many things intersect.

[sight]:: Saw in 2004?

1. the infamous ball dropping on tv
2. ka smiling
3. my foozball table

[taste]:: Tasted (ate/drank) in 2004?

1. a fuzzy wuzzy naval. uh, that would be vodka, oj, and peach schnaps for you dirty minded folks.
2. 12 grapes
3. salsa verde doritos

[smell]:: Smelled in 2004?

1. my drink
2. orange oil
3. fresh night's air

[touch]:: Touched in 2004?

1. a mug
2. grapes
3. my face as i shoved all 12 grapes in my mouth

[hearing]:: Heard in 2004?

1. cheering and laughter
2. explanation of why to eat grapes
3. the sounds of anger and disappointment

Best of 2003

seems a number of sites are doing the best of's which i suppose make sense. there is blog madness which is looking for your best post of the year. while i have nothing worthy of submission, a lot of you have some good stuff and might want to consider taking the challenge. maybe i'll have something for next year.

now i don't consider myself a good photographer, heck, i don't think of myself as a photographer at all, just a geek that forked over way too much money for a digital camera years ago because... well... it was cool. that's not to say i don't manage to snap a good picture every now and again, but it's hardly the norm. if you want to see some good pictures, follow the photo friday link and you will find quite a few awesome pictures from 2003. i've gone through 152 links so far (yes, really!) and there really are some outstanding photos out there. a few of you should consider submitting something there too!

just so i can participate, i've included the picture below, not because it is the best, but because it shows the world how i see it right now. it's vast. there are bright spots and dark corners. clouds high that could ruin your day or be just what the sun's rays need to make for a beautiful sight.

Welcome 2004

anyone that really knows me knows i like quotes. i ran across charles dickens' opening to a tale of two cities tonight and felt it was a good way to start the new year's blog. sure beats any of the more depressing things i'm likely to write.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.